Bleeding Heart Cup-Pakes

This week, I made Pake. Yeah, like piecaken, but with a cooler name because it doesn't make me think of turducken. After watching Drop Dead Diva (hey, it's a guilty pleasure) in which Stacy accidentally bakes a pie and cake in one, I was all, 'I must make that!' I was also all, 'why is Kim Kardashian on this show?'

After going to the gym, I felt like it would be totally rational to now bake a pie inside of a cake and eat it all alone. Sadly, I quickly realized two things. One: I suck at making pie. Two: I suck at making cake. I am, however, kickass at making cupcakes. So I used my favorite chocolate cupcake recipe ever, bought a cherry pie, and attacked it with an ice cream scoop. Essentially, I make cupcakes with a ball of pie (crust and all) on the inside. I had a feeling this might be horrendous because the piecaken gets many negative reviews, but sometimes, you've just got to live life. A carby, sugary, pie-in-cake kind of life.

And guess what? It was awesome. Of course, I dropped one immediately after pulling it out of the oven and yelled many versions of, 'damn you piecaken gods!' and 'Stacy makes it look easy!' and, 'Kim Kardashian is ruining everything!'
I had to go after it with what we call here, 'The Old Lady Arm.' It's one of those claw things that old ladies use, and was originally called The Old Lady Grabber Thing For The Sadly Disabled, but The Old Lady Arm was easier and people freak out when they hear me say it, as if I secretly have an old lady's arm stashed away that I use to conviently grab things.
Anyway, I found The Old Lady Arm and grabbed the cupcake from where it had slid beneath the counter. Luckily, It landed wrapper side down and the top didn't hit the counter, but it kind of collapsed in on itself, smooshing the inside. This naturally meant that it was to be devoured immediately, in case I decided to give this platter to someone else.

The cherry filling spilled out all warm into the dark chocolate cake, making it a bit like a black forest cupcake, only, you know, with pie crust and stuff inside. It was shockingly awesome. I brought them to work and pawned them off on others to see if maybe my tastebuds were wonky. The way the plate was cleared says no, but when I told people there was a scoop of pie inside, they were suddenly wary, despite the fact that they're just mowed three down in a row.

My advice? Stop being so scared just because something sounds weird! It's cake and pie, not cow's tongue. How bad could it get?

There is no set recipe. Just pick your favorite cupcake recipe (or boxed cake recipe while I silently judge you), buy or make a pie (while I am silently awed by you) and get to work. Cover he bottom of the cupcake wrapper with cake mix, then a scoop of pie, then cover it up with cake batter (not too much or it'll overflow when it rises). Bake for 18-20 minutes, testing with a toothpick on the side (not into the perpetually wet pie). Enjoy without fear!

There's no reason to not be a vegetarian

If you've been on the fence about becoming a vegetarian and need the extra shove, here it is.
Vegetarianism is better for you (soy products have few calories, less fat, and less cholesterol than meat), the environment (90% of soy, 80% of corn, and 50% of our water goes to animals which will be turned into food), and the animals (cause, you know, they don't get slaughtered which is nice).

"But vegetarianism is about sacrifice! It's hard! I love bacon!" It's not as difficult as you think. With vegetarianism becoming increasingly popular, there are thousands of substitute products out there for every meat.

"But the protein-!" If you say vegetarians don't get enough protein, Shaun T will beat you over the head with a bag of quinoa.
Now that my fast-stats and charm have won you over, here are some basic, filling vegetarian recipes:

Breakfast Scramble: 

•  Ingredients:
•  1 whole egg and 3 egg whites
• 1 small red onion chopped
• 1/4 cup tomatoes chopped
• 1 clove garlic chopped
• 1 handful spinach rinsed, torn, and chopped
• 1 cup Morningstar Farm Crumbles
• 2 T olive oil

• Directions:

1.  Coat a nonstick pan with the olive oil
2. Cook Crumbles over a medium heat for 1-2 minutes.
3. Chop all your ingredients except for the eggs and add them into the pan. Cook over a medium heat until onions start to brown. Add salt and pepper to taste.
4. In the meantime, whisk your egg/egg whites until fluffy. Add a splash of milk and continue to beat. Salt and pepper.
5. With the veggies and Crumbles still in the pan, turn the heat to medium-low and pour your eggs in. Do not leave your pan! With a rubber spatula, continuously stir the eggs to avoid sticking to the bottom. If the eggs get brown, they've burned.
6. When everything is sufficiently incorporated and the eggs solidify, plate and eat up!

Quinoa Lunch Salad (adapted from Annie's Eats)

• Ingredients:
• 1/2 cup quinoa
• 1 cup water
• 1 cup chopped watermelon
• Sprinkle of feta cheese
• Handful of crushed basil

• Directions:

1. Rinse quinoa first to remove the bitter coating.
2. Boil salted water and quinoa, then lower heat and cook for additional 12-15 minutes or until quinoa absorbs all the water.
3. While the quinoa cooks, chop watermelon.
4. Put the cooled quinoa in a bowl and toss with watermelon. Top with feta. Sprinkle basil on top.
5. Enjoy!

Quinoa Patties - Makes 12 (Adapted from Epicurious)

• 2 1/2 cups cooked quinoa, at room temperature
• 4 large eggs, beaten
• 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
• 1/3 cup chopped fresh chives
• 1 yellow or white onion, chopped
• 1/3 cup Parmesan or goat cheese
• 3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 1 cup whole grain bread crumbs, plus more if needed
• 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil

• Directions

1. Combine the quinoa, eggs, and salt in a medium bowl.
2. Stir in the chives, onion, cheese, and garlic.
3. Add the bread crumbs, stir, and let sit for a few minutes so the crumbs can absorb some of the moisture. 
4. Form 12 1-inch thick patties
5. Heat the oil in a large, heavy skillet over medium-low heat, add patties
6. Cook until brown on one side and golden on the other

If you're still not convinced, here's Hank Green to do some explaining.